Hometown: Anchorage, Alaska
Current city: San Francisco, California
Age: 41
College and degree: Colorado College -- BA in English with a Women's Studies minor
How you pay the bills:
I work as a teaching artist, performer, choreographer, and Pilates instructor. But my husband largely supports our family financially, allowing me to continue to do these various, rather low-paying jobs (but which I love). I also contribute by taking care of our two children 2+ days per week and all afternoons (when they are not in school) -- which is a considerable cost-savings to our family but of course keeps me from being able to work "outside the home" during those times. We constantly wrestle with the cost of living in the Bay Area, but our jobs, our lives, and our communities are here. It is always a patchwork, often a struggle, and we have come close to leaving. But we love it here. We are making it work, for now.
All of the dance hats you wear:
Performer, choreographer, teaching artist; administrator/grant writer/artistic director for my fledgling company, Bellwether Dance Company.
Non-dance work you do or have done in the past:
Mom, Pilates instructor, development associate for an arts non-profit, bartender, server, customer service provider, dance company office manager, group exercise instructor, house/pet sitter, jewelry maker/seller, restaurant host, babysitter, receptionist, event planner. So many odd jobs over the years in order to live here and to dance, dance, dance.
——————
Describe your dance life….
20s: At 21 I moved to San Francisco and began to seek out dance classes and opportunities. I was eager, free, and enamored by the city but also terribly insecure and broke. How I wish I could go back and give myself a pep talk and a hug! I had danced seriously (mainly ballet) since a young age but quit for the last two years of high school, feeling like I was missing out on my good old-fashioned "high school experience" and also that I really wasn't going to become a professional ballet dancer. I had not yet seen any other model of dancer than the rail-thin ballerina performing classical works -- or I had not yet seen enough of them. I knew I was a good dancer and that I loved it but didn't know where I fit in the larger sphere of dance. In college, I "discovered" modern dance and was thrilled to feel at home in dance again, but my seriousness about pursuing it as a career really wavered, mainly because I just didn't know if I could do it or how. Had I believed in myself sooner and more consistently, my dance trajectory would have been more focused and perhaps less painful.
Truth is, although I moved to San Francisco in large part for the dance community, I was a bit lost here until I found Robert Moses' class. Once I saw Robert Moses' KIN perform, I knew exactly where I wanted to be. I threw myself into all of his classes, organized my work schedule around them, stood in the front, and fell in love with the movement. But it didn't happen right away. I had to wait until Robert was looking for dancers, of course, and once he was, I made an initial audition cut and was even called back to try out with the company but I was not hired that first audition. I had been so singularly focused that it was a blow. But in the meantime, I was learning a lot about being a grown up and surviving in this city. I was taking class and dancing in smaller projects. Eventually, Robert Moses did ask me to join the company. I danced with RMK for 11 years.
30s: By my 30s I had gained a lot of confidence through experience. I performed, toured, and taught, mainly with RMK, along with some enriching side projects and touring with Margaret Jenkins Dance Company, Manuelito Biag, and in other friends' and colleagues' work. I started teaching more and more and ventured into my own choreography for the first time since college. I became certified in Pilates, which helped me leave some of my odd jobs behind and I think, helped my dancing. I retired from RMK at 35, after 11 years with the company. By that time I had already met and married my husband.
Three months after my first daughter was born, I joined the ODC Dance Company (too soon? probably). I had a wild and mostly fun ride with ODC, but when I got pregnant again, I didn't think I could or wanted to handle the pressure and time commitment of that company with two very young children. This was a fruitful (ha!) time and a crazy one. Learning how to take care of myself after having children and the new worlds of pregnancy, childbirth, nursing, childcare, preschool, play dates, sleep-deprivation (years!), kindergarten, and work-life balance were/are intense in their breadth and intricacy. The identity shift I faced after having my children is something I still confront. I felt entirely the same person after I had my girls; and 100% changed.
40s: I'll be 42 later this year -- so far so good! I have been performing a lot in the last couple years, and I will continue to do so as long as the fates allow. A couple years ago my dear friend Tanya Bello asked me to dance in a piece with her company, project b. I was 39 or 40 and hadn't performed in two or so years. I remember thinking, "This will be either my final performance or the one that pushes me back into this world." For better or worse, it was the latter. Dancing in that show was a visceral reminder of what I treasure about performing -- recognizing and experiencing that intangibly creative, bold, adrenaline-fueled part of myself that I do not currently access through any other area of my life. I love the improvisation live performance requires; I love the camaraderie with other dancers it affords; I love that I have to be brave in order to do it. It presents challenges and JOY.
The project-based manner in which I have been working for the last number of years works well for my body and for my family. I do have aches and pains and physical limitations and vain concerns -- to be sure. But I try to remember that I had a lot of those in my 20s as well. I am a professional dancer, after all. The aches and pains and concerns about my appearance are not only due to my age.
Last year I decided to apply to graduate school in order to earn my MFA in dance, something I had considered for many years. I went through an involved process to apply to the University of Washington program, and I was thrilled and honored be accepted. Ultimately, however, I did not attend. It was an agonizing decision but one I am at peace with. I think I had to walk all the way to the edge to realize that it was not quite the right time for me. Perhaps it will still happen, who knows?! So. Earlier this year I started to work on forming my own company. I have been creating work for the last handful of years and am ready to gather and cultivate my artistic visions and body of work. Bellwether Dance Company is born. In my 40s -- still searching, stumbling, learning, and I hope, growing.
Major influences:
In college, Renee Redding Jones, then of Ronald K. Brown/Evidence, visited and inspired me like no other teacher yet had. I followed her to the American Dance Festival that summer and was equally inspired and pushed by Ron Brown himself. What an amazing treat to take daily class with these masters for 6 weeks. They introduced me to a freedom of movement I had never experienced -- the "flow" that is something I still seek in class, in performance, and in my teaching.
Robert Moses has likely influenced my movement style and approach more than anyone. His movement -- incredibly kinetic, technical, dense, and rhythmic -- feels both highly challenging and almost natural on my body, still. I appreciate the form, the ambition, the fervor, and the cool drama of his works. I am always moved, watching his company perform. I would love to be a smidgen as good.
For the last number of years, Janice Garrett is the teacher I have taken class with most often. She is a master teacher, who challenges on many levels: mental, physical, artistic, aerobic! She has truly helped me improve my technique, after all these years, and she teaches me how to become a better teacher. I treasure the community she has built with her consistent and high-level teaching and her empathic wisdom. At her concerts I marvel at the intricate choreography, musicality, and sense of the sublime.
My time with Margaret Jenkins taught me volumes about presence and true collaboration. I was pushed to discover a range of movement and performance I had never explored, thanks to her. She trusts her dancers implicitly, and in so doing, allows them to grow deeply as individuals and as artists. She sculpts and directs their offerings into experiences of moving art. She is the back-bone of contemporary dance in the Bay Area, and she continues to help foster the community.
What is on your calendar for 2016 (teaching, choreographing, performing)?
I recently wrapped up performances with KAMBARA+DANCERS, in their inaugural home season and also performed with that group in January. February brought some time with project b. and a fun fundraiser performance with them. In March I showed my first piece, officially, as Bellwether Dance Company: a trio, "Facet," at Dance Mission.
This summer I will choreograph a piece on the young adults of the Alonzo King's LINES Summer Program as well as teach and choreograph for the Summer Session of the Academy of Ballet. Starting mid-August, I will teach advanced contemporary at ODC Mondays and Wednesdays.
I have just started rehearsals with a friend and dance-idol of mine, Nol Simonse, for a WestWave performance in September. Also in September, I'll perform in a duet with Bellwether for PUSH/fest. Meanwhile, I'll be rehearsing at SAFEhouse for the Performing Arts, as part of the RAW Artist Co-op, toward an ambitious (for me) show in early November. Meanwhile, I am applying for grants in order to make that show come to life and trying to establish the administrative side of Bellwether Dance Company.
Dreams for the next 5 years:
I hope to keep dancing at a level that makes me happy and feels good on my body. I dream of performing for as long as it brings me joy. I hope to establish Bellwether Dance Company so that my artistic visions can grow arms and legs of their own and have a chance to live outside of my head. We shall see -- even if my work doesn't gain traction or if growing a dance company is not ultimately rewarding to me, it feels like the right thing right now. I also hope to continue to explore more classes and techniques: back to ballet, more Gaga, Countertechnique, more yoga and Pilates. I want to continue to stretch my knowledge and my abilities, knowing that all of these modalities inform one another, as well as my dancing and my teaching.
Current training practices and care of the body:
I currently take 2-3 technique classes per week and rehearse anywhere from 2-8 hours per week, though that will shift once I start teaching and setting work this summer and fall, when I will be teaching more and rehearsing (in others' work) less. Even when my schedule is very full with teaching, I try to take class at least once a week. After a few-year hiatus, I am studying and practicing Pilates again which I find incredibly helpful to my body in general, and after my pregnancies in particular.
What is the role of teaching within your dance life? What do you love about teaching? What does the phrase “teaching artist” mean to you?
I have taught dance with varying regularity, for many years. I have taught children, teens, beginner adults and most often, advanced adults, and I love different aspects of each group. For all levels, the more I teach, the more I learn -- and thank goodness for that. Teaching allows me to tap into and share what I have learned from my experience and from my teachers, over the past 35 years, with others.
I treasure this physical tradition of dance -- it must be passed down, it must be taught from an individual with a particular point-of-view or interest. The information is ever-changing and evolving but it can only be filtered, added to, altered, and passed along from one person to another. I love that dance class is taken with other humans, in a room where sweat and energy are generated. I think we all have wisdom to share, and I appreciate the two-way channel that teaching and taking class opens for me.
As a student who is also a teaching artist, I see a more three-dimensional view of the movement and/or the corrections, than I once did. As a teacher who dances, I am acutely aware of physical challenges, mind-barriers, competition, and frustrations that are always lurking. At this point in my life, I view class as a precious gift. I want to receive the gift as a student and I aim to offer that gift as a teacher, every time.
Role models and inspiration for your teaching practice and pedagogy:
Again, Robert Moses and Janice Garrett. Also, Sandra Chinn and Katie Faulkner.
Each is unique in his/her approach but all are immensely generous and welcoming teachers, which positively affects everyone in the room. I am always inspired by Robert and his sheer creativity and fun, ultra-challenging material. Janice teaches such a thoughtful class filled with meticulous movement that uses every inch of the (large) studio -- you know, you feel, that she respects her students and the art of teaching. Thanks to Sandra for giving everyone a gold star just for showing up, and for helping us move with joy and ease without strain and undue force. She presents her considerable wealth of knowledge matter-of-factly, and I hang on her every word. Katie ever-inspires with her humble, rockstar ways -- a beautiful mover and thinker whose class is perfect, seamless. I aim to teach more like each of them.
On balancing a dance career and raising a family:
Balancing any career and raising a family is hard, I think. But often worth it for all the reasons we already know: sense of self, pride, income, contribution to your field, intellectual stimulation, and more. Balancing a dance career and raising a family is particularly challenging, I think, because there is no set path to travel along. There is no ladder to climb and usually no 8-5 schedule. If you do happen to have a full-time dance job or work with an established company, the pay is not typically substantial enough (or the work consistent enough) to actually live in the area, without other jobs and/or additional support. There are the few, desired, full or nearly full-time dance teaching jobs but those often leave little time for your own practice or creation, particularly if you have a family which is (I still marvel!), incredibly time-consuming and labor intensive. All of these elements and so many more, challenge our notions of "success." Not a bad thing, necessarily, but at times, profoundly confusing.
When my first daughter was an infant and I joined the ODC company, I was thrilled and excited. I was also relieved, in a way, to have someone tell me what I had to do and when. I wanted to be back, rehearsing and performing but did not feel I had the bandwidth to piece together my own dance existence at that time. And yet, a full-time job away from my infant daughter presented many other challenges, personal and practical. One example: my paycheck went directly and 100% to the childcare provider for my baby. That reality forced me to examine my desire to dance at that level and my love of the particular job in a way that I may not have, had I been making a higher (non-dance) salary and contributing to the family "pot" even though I was spending so much time away.
I feel fortunate to be able to spend a lot of time with my kids and to be able to dance a fair amount, still. It is not always easy on our family schedule or on our family finances, but I think I have to do it, and I am so very thankful that I get to. I take paid dance jobs, but there are plenty that I essentially pay to do. There exists an elusive balance of time and creativity and childcare and school and dinner and (on and on...) that I am trying to reach, every day. But it is of great value to me that my daughters see me as someone who uses her body articulately and creatively and that being an artist is my career, albeit a somewhat non-traditional one. Lastly, being a mom does not necessarily make me a better dancer but dancing certainly makes me a better (saner, happier) mom.
Non-dance interests and hobbies important to you:
All of my spare time is spent with or on my children and that is usually how I like it. We explore playgrounds and beaches and museums and the fun things the city has to offer. We spend time with friends, new and old. We cook, we read. We travel a little. My "me-time" is dance or Pilates. My one solitary, non-dance hobby is reading.
Advice to dancers wanting to move to San Francisco:
It is a magical place to live and dance. There are opportunities galore to perform -- though you will not always be paid. Do not be afraid to ask, directly, if you will be paid and what the pay is, however! We are all struggling to make it work but the community is open and friendly, I find. If you want to dance for someone, tell them! The living here part is hard -- but if you want to be here, you will find a way. Get a bunch of roommates, have a few jobs but stay focused. Carve your unique path and don't lose heart. Take class from the elders -- they have so much wisdom to impart.
Final thoughts - Hope/belief/love of the profession:
The struggle is real...but we are the lucky few.
——————
Related posts:
A Modern Dancer's Guide to.....the San Francisco Bay Area
Dancing and Reflecting: Dancers in Their 40s (Jennifer Salk, Rebecca Lazier, and Kate Weare)
————————————
Comments